Vantage Suck

I saw the movie Vantage Point on TV the other day.  Let me start off by saying no.  NO NO NO NO NO.  Absolutely not.  This movie sucked so much it went beyond unintentional hilarity and into the realm of the unbelievable.  When a movie is done right, the audience can accept almost anything.  Look at the predator series as an example, in the first one, no one walks away from that movie thinking “that thing had a nuclear bomb attached to it’s arm’, or ‘how can a species capable of interstellar travel have such crappy vision and crude hands?’  No, you think, ‘man, that movie fucking kicked ass!’  Then you move on to the second predator, a complete farce of a movie; however the power of the first movie allows you to still believe that a giant rasta-alien is running amok in LA, because come-on, isn’t that what LA is all about?  Then you have those complete abortions, the ruining of two franchises; I am of course referring to the AVP series.  These movies are so bad you forget how awesome the originals were and you stand up, face your television, throw your hands up, and simply say “NO”. 

Vantage Point, not having an awesome prequel to stand on, creates a world full of backstabbing, double agenting, and of course the evil United States.  The plot is really stupid and not worth my effort to describe, but let me highlight some of the ‘NO’ moments. 

A man, a terrorist, motivated by his brother’s kidnapping single handedly kills well over 15 secret service agents to get to the president.  ok…NO.  If Arnold was doing it, Chuck Norris, hell even Wesley Snipes, I might buy it.  But during this scene he is simply shooting the agents in the chest once or twice and moving on…ok…NO.  Secret Service agents wear god damned bullet proof vests, they also do this pesky thing called checking in.  But whatever, let’s say this guy is the most amazing assassin ever, why does he never reload?  I know about the whole re-loading in movies thing, but this was not set out to be a cheesy action flick, this was supposed to make you think, and it was supposed to be ‘real’  ok…NO.

Next, the man with the best cell phone ever.  Not only does his cell-phone control a remote controlled sniper rifle, it can tap into the Secret Service chatter, and it can detonate bombs.  ok…NO.  Speaking of bombs, after they remotely shoot the president’s stand in (because he was giving an outdoor speech in a foreign country, ok…NO) this awesome cellphone remotely detonates a bomb that was underneath the podium. OK…MOTHERFUCKING NO.  Are you telling me the Secret Service agents are not sweeping for packages sitting underneath the stage, and this was not a discrete package either, it was clearly a bomb.  I don’t care if one of the Secret Service agents was a defector, which brings me to my next point, one of the Secret Service agents was a defector.  ok….NO.  It takes a long time and numerous background checks simply to make it into the Secret Service, then you have to be assigned to the protection branch, not the investigation branch, then you have to actually pull the president’s detail.  Not the VP, not an Ex pres, not anyone else.  This guy was plotting from before he even joined the Secret Service to pull this off.  ok…ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NO.

Which brings me to my last no.  The little girl.  The terrorists have succeeded, they have the president in an ambulance, and amid the chaos they are fleeing the scene.  Only to have a little girl step into the road and the driver to swerve the ambulance, crashing horribly, killing the passenger (seat belt), severely hurting himself (seat belt), but having the president (back of ambulance, no seat belt, unrestrained) come to no harm.  ok…NO.  But why did the driver swerve, they had done it, they had killed so many people and now they had the President and the driver (who was the main bad guy) couldn’t just step on the gas and drive that bitch over?  Let me recap, international terrorist has president, about to get away scot free, won’t run over little girl.  ok………………………………………………………………………………………….WHAT A FUCKING COP OUT TO AN ALREADY SHITTY STORY, I WANT MY FUCKING TWO HOURS BACK YOU FUCKING COCK GOBLINS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.


All in all I give Vantage Point my OK to watch with other people, but sadly pathetic to watch by yourself rating.


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