It’s the end of the world as we know it

Every few years there is some loon who predicts that this is it, that the world is going to end.  God is angry at us, and he is going to put on his smiting boots and smite us all until he his smite wine.  The problem with all these end of the world scenarios is that most of the fine upstanding people preaching about these things, offer us tips on how we can avoid the fucking apocalypse.

I for one, do not want to be saved, I do not want to survive the apocalypse.  Just imagine, there you are, completely saved from the doom that befell EVERYONE YOU HAVE EVER KNOWN AND LOVED/LIKED/DID NOT HATE WITH A PASSION.  You are alone, the entire world is dead, everything you ever liked to do is completely retarded and pointless.  Just imagine your passion in life was to shop, sure no one can stop you from going to the mall and take anything you want, but with no one to show off your new Gucci bag how can you rub it in peoples faces?  Also, what if it is one of those zombie apocalypse things?  Now here you are stuck in 2009 fashion trends and the zombies will be laughing at you for being so behind the times.

But I digress; the real point of this entry to is talk about the upcoming doomsday scenario.  I know what you’re thinking, is it another one of those cult leaders, who ask us to drink the kool-aid? No.  This one is brought to you by people who have been dead for quite some time.  A long time ago, in a land far, far away, there lived a people known as the Mayans.  The Mayans had an extremely advanced calendar for their time, it mapped the stars with a great deal of accuracy and came in the month-to-month and even weekly planner editions!  (if you believed that last statement, just please stop reading and put your head in a microwave.)  There calendar was pretty accurate though, what with the alignment of heavenly bodies, lunar, and solar cycles.  What has everyone in a tiff, is the fact that their calendar inexplicably stops on what would be 12/21/2012 (man with that many twos and ones, it sounds legit), the winter solstice for 2012.  This unexplained stop has really freaked out the common idiot, and now it is up to me to lay some reason on you.

If you follow my steps you will either be very relieved or very frightened.

1. Find the closest calendar

2. Go to the last page

3. What’s the date?

My god, according to my calendar time ceases to exists on 12/31/2009.  I don’t know what’s going to happen, but man is it bad.  PEOPLE, it’s a fucking calendar it isn’t a prophecy, did anyone stop to think that writing up a calendar that never ended would take…forever?  Maybe the Mayans got tired of mapping out the planet alignments 2000 years in the future, maybe they thought, hey when we get close to running out of calendar we’ll just make some more.

But why that date?

Because the winter solstice marks a major point in the Mayan calendar, that’s a good place to stop don’t you think?  I mean, kind of like how our calendars stop at the end of the year and not just some random day in March.

Still not convinced?  OK, for all you skeptics who believe that a bunch of loin cloth wearing, human sacrificing, Mel Gibson Apocalypto people predicted the end of the world, then bet me.  That’s right, I will wager anyone any amount that the world will not end on 12/21/2012.  To enter, send me a comment, or e-mail from this site, give me a valid e-mail address and an amount and I will get a legally binding contract drawn up that if the world does not end on 12/21/2012 you will pay me, and if it does, then I will pay you, it’s that simple!

Also, for an end of the world type catastrophe, at least 5.5 billion people need to die ON that day. Nothing else qualifies as end of the world, doomsday type scenario, instead it would just be your run of the mill type catastrophe.

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One Response to “It’s the end of the world as we know it”

  1. OMG!!!!! I am totally with you. People are just crazy and believe every thing these days you make soo much since!!!

    Here’s what I put on another blog Site That I seen that just believed it all!

    First off, I think it’s all A host. Think about it. Years back about all the alien Invasions and things. How it was all over the news. The radio. The news paper. Where’s the aliens? I mean, It was all A joke in the end. That No One thought Was funny. The Radio Brod Casters Thought it was. They made it seem like it was real. When in reality, it wasn’t. I think that This is all A host for the movie 2012 (A Movie that I will not ever Support or spend My money on to go and Watch) So that people will go and spend they’re money and See it. Think about it. I think once the movie’s over. And at the end of all of it, It will eventually Die down. Now hey! I could be wrong, but until that day comes. I stand by my Opinion 100%.

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