Every kiss begins with Jared

I know you have seen either the Kay Jewelers or Jared commercials this year.  The only safe channels, it would appear, from the onslaught of diamonds are the Hbos, Showtimes, Cinemaxes, etc….  I do not think I am alone when I say that watching these commercials makes me want to gouge out my eyes with an ice pick and stuff them in my ears.  The two companies take slightly different strategies in annoying every breathing person on this planet.  Kay Jewelers sets up some ridiculously fake romantic situation where a man’s love is demonstrated through the purchase of some ugly piece of jewelry.  The woman then shows her affection by saying an incredibly cheesy line like “yes, this is the one” while staring materialistically into her lover’s eyes.  It is safe to say that Kay tries to have the man look at the commercial and think to himself ‘well, she seemed very happy with getting that piece of jewelry in some kind of stomach wrenching situation, so if I go and buy this piece of crap she will love me and forgive me for when I got caught with my pecker in the bird feeder.’

Jared goes down the slippery slope of jealousy, they present their jewelry as some sort of shangri-la inducing magic.  Basically they want you to assume that every woman knows what Jared is, and that they want a gift from there so they can brag about it to their friends.  To me, I always feel off-put by these commercials, not because of the ridiculous materialistic sentiment it conveys, but because it implies the women want the jewelry not because they want to look pretty, but because they want their friends to be jealous.  Guys, I have news for you, if you really want to impress her with your purchasing power, go to your local Tiffany’s and bring your first born as collateral.

What makes me really sick, though, is the fact that so many people actually fall for these traps.  People actually go shopping at Kay and at Jared, not because they wanted to get their significant other some nice jewelry, but because they think these ads portrayed actual responses in women.  I don’t know if this is due to a lack of communication between men and women, or if guys will just buy anything they think will make their women happy.  So listen up guys, I have a secret, a woman worth keeping around would gladly accept jewelry, but loves the gift you make yourself.  Do you remember that shitty picture you drew in kindergarten?  You know, the one your Mom still has somewhere in her house right now?  While you weren’t trying to get with your mom (gross) that womanly instinct cherishes a heartfelt gift of affection.  So next time you see one of these ads to buy some shitty, ugly ass jewelry, take a good hard look at who you are buying it for, maybe the problem isn’t with the ad.

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