SURPRISE it’s…insurance

So I was watching television, and I saw a commercial for New York Life Insurance.  At first, I thought, OK insurance needs to advertise because there are a lot of different companies out there and they want their brand names in your mind.  But what made me so angry that I decided to sit at my computer, on a Saturday night with an open invitation to go to a bar, was that the commercial was for giving someone insurance as a present.  Merry Christmas I took out a life insurance policy on myself!  (oh and if you kill me you don’t get a penny of it!!!)  They say in the commercial, that it is the most self-less gift you give someone.  It is also one of the biggest cop-out gifts you can give someone.  It says, hey, I was really broke, so I am putting $50 a month towards insurance.  Now I will not knock life insurance, I think insuring yourself against illness or untimely car jacking/murder is just the tops, but come on New York Life, a Christmas gift?  I can say with almost 100% certainty that giving someone insurance as a gift would serve not only as a completely original gift, but also as one the recipient wishes they never got.  How do you even wrap that gift?  And when they open it and they get that look of repressed disappointment, and you try to explain to them how it is a great gift, how do you do it?

“No honey, you see let’s say a Mexican gang member disembowels me, you and the kids will be fine, or if i die from a heart attack while I’m humping your secretary, you will have enough money to give me a super sweet funeral.”

Insurance is a reminder of our mortality, and while we should all leave something for our loved ones, I can’t help but think that giving someone a gift that reminds them of your impending doom is worse than the inevitable tube socks your aunt gets you every year, even though you tell her you hate tube socks and you would rather not receive a gift, but then under the tree, you see your name with a suspiciously tube sock looking package, and when you tear in to the packaging, what do you get?  FUCKING TUBE SOCKS……

Sorry.  I lost myself, in summation.  Insurance = good idea  Insurance as Christmas gift = bad idea.  What if you die on Christmas eve from your mother in-laws awful cooking.  You know that cold ham you get every year and what’s more confusing is you see her pull it out of the oven just minutes before serving it, and the stove is hot.  How does that work, I mean seriously, one time we were at her house and she had it in the oven for a long time, and it was ice cold, and then there was the year she told us it was a turkey!  “I’m at the point in my life where I think I can tell the difference between a turkey and a ham, thank you” you tell her, and then you drop dead.  Christmas Eve.  Weeks later your bereaved widow opens the gift, it’s life insurance, oh if only you had signed it before your mother had poisoned him with her terrible ham/turkey.

The moral of my demented story, if you want to insure yourself don’t wait for Christmas, just get it, and then you can take a few tips from me on how to get gifts.

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