You Can’t Touch This

I was in an elevator today, a group of 3 people got on, one man, two women.  One woman said “it’s so cold in here, feel my nose”  At which point the man put the back of his index and middle fingers on the woman’s nose.  and said “that feels like a nose”  This entire exchange disgusted me.

Why you ask?

Well for starters, why on earth would she ask anyone to touch her nose? (as if a person’s nose is the barometer for determining extreme cold.)  It is a well known fact that the nose is cartilage held up by skin.  It is not attached by bone, and I’m not even sure how much blood flows to the outside of the nose.  Regardless, this woman was intent of having her nose be the end all and be all of thermonatics (yes i made up that word).  Then I thought, well maybe they are a hot item, and she just wanted him to touch her, but judging from her engagement ring (bling) and his wedding ring (notice she didn’t have a wedding ring jr. detectives) that didn’t seem like the case, and while they could have been having an affair, I would just like to think this bitch was crazy.  Most people when demonstrating coldness, give you a frigid hand, freshly plucked from the ice fields of hoth, or they will simple chatter their teeth nosily until you ask them if they are cold.  This woman is flaunting society’s norms, and I for one, will not stand for it.  I say here and now anytime anyone asks you to feel their nose, you reply “no thanks, I’ve got one”  We cannot allow for the morons of this world to have us start feeling everyones noses all the time.  Imagine how awkward it would be if in the process of feeling someones nose you slipped and picked their nose?  What do you do?  Pretend it never happened?  What if you have a green pile of your buddy on your finger as a gross reminder?  Or what if you take out their eye-ball?  If someone asks you to feel their hand (still not a fan of that, but it’s better than the nose) and you miss, you get forearm, or at worst you scratch the person, one that does not require an eye-patch.  So elevator lady, why don’t you get with the program and just be cold like the rest of us without having someone feel your nose.  Maybe next time you can have them poke your asshole for a second opinion.


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