BEER!

This weekend I visited the Sam Adams brewery.  Insert jealousy here [       ].  Let me walk you through what happens.  You arrive, you say “duhhh…ummm…i ummm…FREE BEER”  After soiling yourself, you go back up to the guy at the table, and he smiles at you and hands you a beer label.  The beer labels are the tickets!  And then you try to hand him money, drooling of course, and he says “no, we’ll take care of that later”  And you think to yourself “my god, they will wait until I had my fill, then club me over the head and take all my money, probably my pants and shirt as well, and I am OK with this”  You stand around until the next tour starts (this is excruciating).  Then they call the tour (your heart goes from bump…bump…to I’M WALKING ON SUNSHINE..WHOAAAAAA)  They give a shpeal about two charities they would like you to donate to, and they only ask for $2 total.  YES, you read that correct, it is suggested donation, but they don’t ask for more than $2.  So if you are a total cheapskate you can pay nothing, or if you are like me you pay $2 (I actually had my friend pay because, yeah..i’m classy like that..my friend was a lady…hi ladyfriend).  Then they bring you to an area I call the stable.  This is where they talk to you about how beer is made in general, and they let you taste barley (tastes like grapenuts..swear to Yahweh), and let you see and smell the hops.

I got mad hops, yo

I got mad hops, yo

Then they bring you to the room where they make the beer.  And it is at this point you find out that the Sam Adams brewery in Boston, is the place where they make all the new beers, and the two guys with the great big bushy beards from the commercials actually do work there.  They tell you all about how Sam Adams is made, and about the length of time and temperatures, but I can’t remember any of that because I was thinking “Where the muther F is my G damn muther F in beer?”

This is where the magic happens

This is where the magic happens

And then it happens, no silly chumba wumbas, oompa loompas, or any other midget of any sort shows up, but you get taken to the tasting room.  Which, by the way, is just a bar in the middle of the brewery.  The tour guide then teaches you the 5 steps to tasting beer, of which I remember none because all I could do was think about shoving beer in my gullet.  They let us try 3 beers, The Boston Lager, Oktoberfest, and then a new one that is the R&D phase, a pumpkin beer.  It was unlike any other pumpkin beer out there, it was…good.  I do remember distinctly that I was being an ass, I told my friend (who was driving) that her pour and resulting head was ridonkulous (note: i might not have used the word ridonkulous), but we will let you be the judge, America, parts of Canada, and for some reason, Lithuania.

I poured the one on the right, she poured the one on the left.  i rest my case (sorry)

I poured the one on the right, she poured the one on the left. i rest my case (sorry)

I also remember a person on the tour ask the question “what’s the difference between a double boch and triple boch” to which I replied, “One Boch”  an older lady at my table got a kick out of it, and drummed her hands on the desk in comedic fashion.  (you know ba-dum ching) So after knocking back 7 or 8 of these, it was time to go, although nothing stops you from going on the next tour.  All in all, a pretty sweet deal for $2.  (and you get to keep the glass)  I highly recommend going to the Sam Adams brewery if you live in Boston, or visit Boston, it is a fun experience and if you are a fast drinker, can get drunk for $2!  I will leave you with some more pictures from the tour.

Utopias, the most expensive and most powerful beer on the market, $150 and in the mid 20's in terms of percent alcohol

Utopias, the most expensive and most powerful beer on the market, $150 and in the mid 20's in terms of percent alcohol

No, that is not Sam Adams, that is our tour guide...umm..whatshisname

No, that is not Sam Adams, that is our tour guide...umm..whatshisname

mmm..beer

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: