Warlock Schmorlock

[sigh] Another Halloween, and still no royalty check.  When I agreed to give up my powers so kids could safely dress as warlocks for Halloween, I never thought I’d end up where I am.  You know the story… Warlocks everywhere gave up their magical powers in exchange for the royalties when a kid dressed up as a Warlock.  None of us could ever have seen what would happen next… I mean, how could we?  We had just given up our powers.  So there we all were, the local Warlocks union 134, on Halloween waiting to see the little kids dressed up, and not a single goddamned kid dressed up as a Warlock, we saw Spider-man, and super-man and vampires…you know Dracula never had to give up his powers for royalties…Frankenstein, I even saw a goddamn troll.  But no kids dressed up as Warlocks.  So we all had to get jobs. Bob, the union leader, he got a job over at the CVS…he works the registers, Vinny, man…Vinny, he could cast a spell like no one else, one time i seen him cast chain lightning at the same time as eternity chill… you shoulda seen the looks on those people’s faces…but now…Vinny, man…he got a job at the local zoo as the guy who cleans up after the elephants…VINNY MAN…god.  But that ain’t the worst part, nah, some of the old crew, I see them under the bridges, on the street corners, begging for change…shit man….it’s like…I used to roll with these guys…the other day I got a package and would you know who delivered it?  That’s right..none other than Ricardo, I couldn’t believe…shit… I said “Hey Ricardo, how’d you convince people to give you a car”  and that’s when he told me…he said “Hey Mein, jew know I never gave up all my powers”  That sly fucker man…couldn’t believe it..but oh well..as for me, yeah I’m not too proud of what I’ve been reduced to.  You might have seen me in WarCock’s 1-7 the Cock lives on, that’s how ole Jeremiah been paying the rent…I got me some side jobs too, nothing too fancy, Santa for Christmas, the Easter bunny…you know..all that shit.  One time I took a job cleaning some old lady’s gutters…shit man..some little neighborhood kids came and pushed my ladder out from under me..broke all my ribs..punctured a lung…i was laid up pretty bad…ain’t no health care in the porn industry.  That was the first time..i think…yeah…that was the first time I really regretted not having my powers…I mean if I was still locking, that’s what we call it..if i was still locking…I would have turned those little bastards into mush…although if I was still locking I wouldn’t have been cleaning out some old lady’s gutters.  I used to have it all.  Money, Witches, the biggest staff you ever seen…it was stoopid big…but yeah…man…those were the good days…not like today…so to answer your question…nah kid I don’t have any candy….


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